I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My breasts were aching with rage.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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