ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
