not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
