Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
