I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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