the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
