im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
