let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
