Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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