Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
