she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
where does the pee come out of this thing
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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