I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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