Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
