Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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