I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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