On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We have started to decorate penises.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
