Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
