I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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