Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
