Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
