if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This toilet bowl is my home.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
