From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
