The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
