I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
