Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
