so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
