you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
