Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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