it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
