i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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