it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
