I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
