all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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