I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
