2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
PANTIES FOUND
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