Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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