and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
