There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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