I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
