In the future we'll all be gay
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
