I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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