I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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