his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
