dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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