we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
