this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
