Yo dont text me then not text me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
