Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pants are for mortals
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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