break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
