my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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