i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
