It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
